


Man of Leisure

by Charu



Category: Dream Daddy, Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: M/M, One Night Stand, Smoking, alcohol use, irresponsible dads, just bad and irresponsible behavior all around, minor breakage of the fourth wall, oh yeah also cursing hope that isn't a dealbreaker, pre game, references to other shows, smoking while pregnant, spoilers maybe probably?, stick and poke tattoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 17:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11811195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charu/pseuds/Charu
Summary: “What are you doing here?”“Ahh...” Joseph sighed and scratched his chin. “Well, you see, lately Mary has been... having some moods. I can't blame her, she's pregnant after all. But I figured it might be best for me to get out of the house for an hour or so,” He lowered his hand, placing it on the bar.“Plus, I really needed a drink,” he mumbled underneath his breath.Robert raised an eyebrow. “You don’t seem the type to drink.”“I do, on occasion. Mostly margaritas,” Joseph chuckled a little, “but between you and me, I’d like the taste of some whiskey tonight.”If Robert didn’t know any better, he’d almost suspect Joseph was making a pass at him.





	Man of Leisure

**Author's Note:**

> Hey dudes do not use drinking alcohol if you ever do a stick and poke unless you wanna lose a limb or something, it's just a bad idea.
> 
> Thanks to Writerly (http://archiveofourown.org/users/Writerly), my good good friend Espie, my good good friend Coffee, Lagrienzo and Stab Daddy (the last two from the dream daddy discord) for the spellchecks, the advise on what to write and for listening to my whining and bitching while writing this. I am very sorry about it and thank you again.
> 
> I've been working on this for three weeks so if there are mistakes n stuff I am very sorry. This is the longest thing I've ever written and this was pretty intense to do.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy some dads being irresponsible jerks

Although Robert had seen Mary come often in Jim and Kim’s, he had never really sat down and drunk together. It wasn’t like they didn’t talk to each other, but the moments they did were few and far between.

Robert didn’t do smalltalk. Most of the patrons of the bar knew this. Plus, there was something awkward about seeing the youth minister’s wife subtly flirt with other men, younger than herself, and gulp down enough wine that Jesus himself should be bled out by now, all while her husband was sitting at home, watching their three kids. Still, Robert knew Mary would never go too far with her antics and even if she did, he’d keep it to himself.

So when Mary came in, placed a hand on his shoulder and jokingly asked him to buy her a drink, Robert in return told her he’d lost his wallet at home.

Mary smiled and sat down next to him. “I can never get you to buy me a drink,” she said. Although she was smiling, Robert felt there was something off about her. Maybe it was that her smile was shaking slightly, maybe the fact she had immediately walked over to him without first checking out the fresh meat, or maybe it was her voice had cracked a little when she asked him for a drink. Mary seemed down.

Mary turned towards Neil, raising a hand. The barman was already reaching for the wine bottle, but Mary waved her hand. “I want something non-alcoholic today. Got a stomach ache,” she said, patting her belly.

Neil raised an eyebrow, but gave a shrug. “Sure.” He turned around to get her something else.

“Stomach ache today and probably for the next seven and a half months too.” She sighed deeply, reaching towards her bag and getting out a package of cigarettes. She was about to take one out, but Robert took them away from her.

“Then you shouldn’t smoke, either,” he said. “Also, congratulations. Found out today?”

Mary gave Robert a disgruntled look and took the package from him again. “Yeah, so let me have a final smoke before I’ll be stuck at home, being bored and miserable for the next seven months. I already gave up my wine, let me have this one.”

She took one cigarette from the package, lighted it and shoved the rest of the package to Robert. “Save them for me ‘till I can smoke them again, will you?”

“...Won’t promise anything,” Robert said, pocketing the cigarettes.

The two of them sat next to each other in silence. Neil handed Mary her order and an ashtray. Mary sipped on her drink, and eyed Robert from the corner of her eyes.

“This’ll be my fourth kid,” she suddenly said. “My _fourth_  Robert!” She jerked her head  around, facing her barmate.

“The good Lord really blessed us, huh? You should’ve seen Joseph’s face when he found out. He was absolutely ecstatic.” She was quiet for a while, before taking a drag from her cigarette and blowing out the smoke again.

“I’m taking you’re not?” Robert asked her. Mary snorted and replied: “You could say that again. I never really wanted kids in the first place, let alone four. But Joseph absolutely loves them. Can’t really do anything about it.”

She tapped with her nails on the bar, quiet for a second, as if she was still deciding to vocalize whatever was on her mind right now. “I’d have it removed, but that’s not proper for a youth minister’s wife. Plus, it’s also Joseph’s kid.”

She stares in front of her for a while, the cigarette slowly burning up. Some ash falls from the cigarette, dropping into the tray. “At least those kids will have a good dad.” She sighs, glancing at her cigarette on which she maybe just had a few tugs on. She groans and stubs it out.

“Man, that’s a shame of a perfectly good cigarette,” Robert said. Mary gave another shrug, not answering and staring at her drink.

Robert wasn’t one to pry in other people’s business. Man, he barely cared about his own life, why the hell start by caring about someone else’s? But the way Mary looked in her glass, sad, frustrated, the things she said only seconds earlier, it him the impression she needed someone to talk to. And no matter how much he didn’t want to, he doubted anyone else would. He pressed a finger against his temple, massaging it slightly in frustration.

He wasn’t good at being the emotional support.

He scraped his throat.“So,” he started. “Things not going too well with Joseph, then?” He barely finished his sentence before Mary let out a frustrated _ugh_.

“Why shouldn’t it go well? He’s mister perfect himself, isn’t he?” She swirled the liquid in her drink, placing her head on her palm.

“You know, things were so different when we met. He was different. Back then I felt like we could take on the world as long as we’d stick together.” She sighed.

“Nowadays I feel he’s only with me for image reasons. Make the world think our marriage and family is perfect.” A smirk appeared on her face.

Robert returned her smile with his own. “So is that why you’re here?”

Mary chuckled. “You know I’m not made to be a Stepford wife.”

“Hell, you’re barely made to be a wife in general,” Robert replied. Another snicker from Mary.

“I guess so.” She gave her drink another sip, swallowing it with a somewhat disappointed expression on her face. “God, I miss wine already.”

“It’s kind of funny,” Robert said. “You’re a lot more talkative when you’re sober.”

“I drink to forget, Robert,” Mary replied. “And seeing as I can’t drink right now, I can’t really forget either.” She raised her glass to him. “You’ll be getting the full load of my frustrations tonight.”

\----------------------------------

“Things are pretty quiet around here without Mary, huh?” Neil said, as he poured Robert’s third glass of the night. Robert was slowly but surely getting that nice buzzing feeling in his head as he accepted the glass from Neil.

“Mh? Ah, yeah,” Robert answered, nipping his whiskey. “You might actually get some new customers without Mary standing to the ready to some free booze out of them.”

Neil snickered. “So how is she doing?”

“Who, Mary?”

“Who else?”

“How should I know?”

“Well, you are her neighbour, Robert. And probably the closest thing she has to a friend.”

Robert shook his head. “Dunno about that. But I guess I am her neighbour. I’ve seen her walk around the cul-de-sac. She’s got quite a belly already,” He frowned, vaguely remembering Marilyn carrying a belly similar to Mary’s around her... what was it, fifth, sixth month?

He closed his eyes for a second. Jesus, he’d not remember Marilyn on a regular day, let alone when talking about children. He took a big gulp from his whiskey.

“She’s fine.”

Neil opened his mouth to probably say or reply something, but realized someone else was at the bar. “Be right back,” he said, walking off, leaving Robert with his whiskey and thoughts alone. He looked into his glass, swirling the golden brown liquid around the ice before taking another sip.

Behind him, he heard the door open but he barely made notice of it. It wasn’t until he could feel a presence next to him that he looked up and stared at the golden locks and blue eyes of the saintly minister himself.

Joseph turned to Robert, smiling and showing those pearly whites of his. “I thought it was you sitting here. How are you doing, Robert?”

Robert didn’t say much and just stared at Joseph.

“What are you doing here?”

“Ahh...” Joseph sighed and scratched his chin. “Well, you see, lately Mary has been... having some moods. I can't blame her, she's pregnant after all. I figured it might be best for me to get out of the house for an hour or so,” He lowered his hand, placing it on the bar. 

“Plus, I really needed a drink,” he mumbled underneath his breath.

Robert raised an eyebrow. “You don’t seem the type to drink.”

“I do, on occasion. Mostly margaritas,” Joseph chuckled a little, “but between you and me, I’d like the taste of some whiskey tonight.”

If Robert didn’t know any better, he’d almost suspect Joseph was making a pass at him. He finished his glass. “You came at the right place for that.”

Joseph’s smile seemed never ending. The blonde man raised a hand and Neil walked up to him. Less than a minute later, he placed two glasses on the bar.

Robert stared at the glass suspiciously and eyed Joseph, who smiled. “It’s on me, Robert. We rarely talk, even though we live right next to each other. I want to get to know you better.”

This whole thing was getting suspicious. But Robert rarely refused free booze. So he took the glass, raising it.

Joseph raised his and clinked it against Robert’s. “Cheers,” Joseph said, before downing the whole thing in one go.

\----------------------------------

It turned out Joseph wasn’t as much of a lightweight as Robert had anticipated him to be. The guy could _drink_ , maybe even more than he himself did. Robert was even starting to wonder how the hell the guy had even become a youth minister in the first place.

“...So I ended up in California, right?” Joseph started his story “I was standing next to the road, in the middle of the desert. It must’ve been over a hundred degrees and I was sweating bullets, both figuratively and literally. I thought I was going to die there. So I just stuck out my thumb every time I saw a car pass by, which was one every hour or so. I knew if a car wouldn’t stop soon, I’d have to sleep in the desert and that idea honestly wasn’t too appealing to me.”

“And then a car passed through?” Robert asked.

“And then a car passed through. It was one of those grey, ugly cars. It might have been a Ford Pinto? Anyway, as soon as he stopped next to the road, it felt like something fishy was going on there. Like, there was something off about the guy, his hair was greasy, he wore these huge sunglasses that took up half of his face and there were some really suspicious smudges in his shirt.

“Everything about him made the alarm bells in my head ring ring. But it was hot out there, I’d been standing there all day, my skin had gotten red from the sun, I was thirsty and who knew when a new car would pass by. So I got in, sat down on the chair next to him which was wrapped with some plastic seat cover. As soon as we drove off, I notice this dark red stain in the carpet.”

“Oh, Christ,” Robert exclaims, bringing his glass to his smirking lips.

Joseph shot him a look, but continued anyway. “So seventeen year old me stares at that stain and after ten minutes or so, finally asks the guy: ‘What’s that stain?’

‘Oh,’ he answers, ‘It’s blood’.

And then he proceeds to talk about how hard it is to get bloodstains out of carpets and he’s tried everything but it won’t leave. Meanwhile I’m sitting here, debating if I’d rather be torn up by coyotes or killed by this weirdo-”

Robert snickered.

“-And then he said it.

“ ‘Next time, I’ll be prepared’, and he pats with his hand on the plastic covering of my chair and I just... throw off my seatbelt, open the car door and jump out of the vehicle. I fall on my arm, hear a snap and as I clutch it, I try to run as fast as I possibly can.

“Of course, the car stops and he cries after me and I turn around to get a last look at the guy and then saw a huge sticker on the car I hadn’t seen before. It was round, had a paw print smack in the middle of it and on top of the paw was written: St Francis’ Hospital for Pets and Wildlife.”

At this point, Robert let out a hearty laugh. “So the guy was a vet?”

“Yeah! After he caught up to me and yelled at me for jumping out so suddenly, he took me back into his car and explained he lives in a pretty small village where he started to run a veterinarian himself. Their ambulance broke down a while back and they had no money to fix it or get a new one, so he used his own car temporarily as an ambulance. He thought I had noticed the stickers and in hindsight, they were pretty obviously in sight, but I was too focused on him to notice them.”

“And that day you learned to not judge a book by his cover.”

“Sure did.”

“Even if the book is covered with bloodstains.”

Joseph himself started snickering. “Well, I came out unscathed... For the most part, my arm was still broken. But Jerry -his name was Jerry by the way- knew a few things about fixing up humans too and he helped me with my arm. Stayed with him ‘till my arm was fixed. He had a really nice family, a nice wife, three kids, four dogs, two cats... I kept in touch with them for a while after wards, but you know how it is. You grow apart. We do send cards with christmas, though.”

Joseph drank the rest of his fourth whiskey. “So, how about you? Any good stories you can tell?”

Robert stared at his own glass, his fifth this evening. After a while, he mumbled something.

“Yeah. I got something good.” He didn’t sound all that enthusiastic.

“Joseph, you and I both know there’s more in this world that meets the eye. You’ve got your faith and I’ve seen enough shit I’ve started hoping there’s a God out there to protect us.”

Joseph’s eternal charming smile slowly melted of his face, making place for intrigue.

“About fifteen years ago, I was traveling with this kid on the road. Kid’s name was Dean. Great hair, good taste in music. Shitty hunter. But he had a car and we both had a mission. So we traveled around the country, trying to find us a place to stay and a cryptid to catch.

“We wanted to find the Moth-Man. I thought it was bullshit, but Dean was insistent. ‘Gotta track any leads we have,’ he’d say. Fine, why shouldn’t we? We’d been traveling for months with no goals whatsoever. It was nice to have at least some sort of objective, no matter how stupid it was.

“We couldn’t find a hotel to stay. So we stopped next to the road. Made a fire. Warm some cans of tomato soup above it. It was all good. Dean told me about his brother, who he wanted to find. I told him about my wife and daughter who were waiting at home. We drank a beer together. It was all nice and cozy.

“Few hours later, just minutes after we decided we wanted to go to sleep, we heard footsteps approaching us. Both of us were paranoid assholes, so I held tight onto my knife. Dean always carried a handgun close to him. So we waited.

“Turns out it was a woman approached us. Pretty thing, I guess. Long dark hair, bright blue eyes, looked like she was barely twenty. Not my thing, but I think Dean took a liking to her. She smiled, not scared of two big looking fellas camping out there. Called herself Jean or Joan... Might have been Jane. Whatever. She asked us if she could sit down with us. Sure, why the heck not? So she did. I remember Dean handing her a beer.

“She asked us what we were doing here. Dean explained we were hunters, trying to find the mothman. She said she expected as much. Offered her help, she knew the whole area like the back of her hand. Now me, honestly, I didn’t care a whole lot about her. But Dean was clearly interested. So we packed our things and left again, taking her in the car with us.”

Robert put a hand in his pocket, getting out a pack of cigarettes. He signalled Neil, who brought him a ashtray. Robert put one of the cigarettes into his mouth, and tried to light it with the zippo he took out of his pocket.

“Fuck.” The stupid thing wouldn’t work. He wanted to put his cigarette back into the package, when someone held a flame against the tip. It was Joseph, holding his own lighter, smiling. For a second Robert wondered why Joseph carried a lighter around, but the thought got pushed back by his longing for a smoke. The tip of the cigarette lit up. Robert blew out the fumes.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Please, finish your story.”

“Mh.” Robert put the cigarette back into his mouth. With the thing between his lips, he continued.

“We drove on for a couple of hours. Dean tried to talk to her, but she barely responded. Only gave a few directional instructions. We drove out of the state, weather got hotter and hotter. Eventually we ended up in the desert. Both me and Dean were getting suspicious, but she kept on insisting we were almost there. Eventually we ended up in the middle of the desert. Said we were there. We got out and when we did, someone shot Dean in the shoulder. The girl attacked me from behind. She was strong. Stronger than any girl I ever met. Turned me around, slashed me across the chest. Still got a scar from that,” Robert put a finger behind the neck of his shirt, allowing Joseph a look at the scar on his chest.

“Dean yelled. I managed to fight her off. Another guy appeared, probably the guy who shot Dean. Hit me across the head. Last thing I ever saw of Dean was him getting pulled into the front seat of a car that seemingly came out of nowhere..”

Robert placed the glass of whiskey against his lips, taking a sip. “It was a strange car. Didn’t quite look right. I remember there was a sticker of sorts on the-” He stopped halfway his sentence, eyes almost popping out of his head, like he just realized something.

“A sticker?” Joseph asked. Robert swallowed something away.

“Yeah. It looked off because... it had a sticker with a pawprint in the middle. But the car didn’t look like a vet’s car.”

Both men sat quiet at the bar. The regular sounds of the bar continued around them. Joseph stared at Robert in disbelief.

“You’re... You’re joking, right?”

Robert didn’t answer. He took the glass, downed it in one go and slammed it on the bar. He raised his head, facing Joseph, looking him straight into his eyes.

“I am.”

“What?!”

“I made all of it up. Never knew a guy named Dean. Based him off a character of some TV show my daughter used to watch.”

Joseph stared at Robert for a while, before he snorted. “You... you bastard! I thought for sure-” His snickering turned into laughter. Robert could barely repress a giggle himself.

“Was all worth it for that expression,” Robert said, still giggling softly.

Joseph shook his head. “You’d better get me a drink for that scare.”

“Can do,” Robert said. He called Neil to him, who poured in more whiskey. Joseph watched the amber liquid pour in his glass with a wide smile on his face, and thanked Neil by raising his now filled cup.

“This is gonna be the last I’ll pour in for you two,” Neil warned them. Robert opened his mouth to object, but Neil shook his head.

“I know you could probably handle more. Both of you probably can. But I can’t get into trouble.” Neil’s eye wandered to Joseph, who already had poured half of the drink into his body.

“Jesus, Joseph. Your kids are gonna grow up immune from alcohol looking at the amount you and Mary can handle.”

Joseph chuckled softly, but his mood seemed to drop a little. Neil was called on the other side and left again. As soon as the bartender disappeared, Joseph placed a hand behind his head and groaned.

“Mary,” he mumbled. “I had just forgotten about her.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Robert remembered Joseph telling him he went to Jim and Kim’s because of Mary, but the way he acted it seemed like it was something more than “her moods”. Robert sipped his drinks. It was none of his concern. He knew things weren’t going that well between them.

He didn’t say anything.

For a moment or two, the two men sat at the bar in silence. Robert sometimes taking a drink, Joseph staring in his glass, rolling the liquid around. Both were in deep thought. Their reflections started out rather similar, but after a while Robert’s mind started to wander towards the rest of the bar patrons

Behind them a group of boys barely of legal drinking age burst out into laughter. Their table was filled with empty beer jugs. A few glasses weren’t empty, as the boys were still consuming them. One of the boys told a story of a girl he fancied. Well, fancied wasn’t exactly the right word. Wanting to fuck her brains out was probably the more accurate description. As the guy described a very awkward encounter between him and the lady of his loins, one of the of the listeners tried to apparently not choke his own spit as he continued to snicker at the guy’s story.

A few seats away were a group of ladies, around the same age as Robert himself was. The three women were discussing not only their husbands and children, but mostly the band they were planning on starting. They wanted to go to the Coffee Spoon on the next open mic night. One of the ladies, the most quiet of the three, pretended to play air guitar. Robert could easily imagine a guitar in her hand and her playing something nice.

Another boot away, two friends sat next to each other, discussing some type of game or something. One spoke quite animated. “Look, I don’t think it’s a bad experience at all. But it’s simply a little buggy. I honestly think if the ‘walking her home’ scene was fixed, you’d be able to get to his good ending in no-”

“Do you miss Marilyn?” Joseph finally said, breaking the silence between him and Robert. Robert broke his focus away from the nerds, focusing on Joseph.

“Miss her?” He replied. He had to think about that.

“I guess? Maybe?” Robert finally answered. “I should miss her.”

“You don’t?”

“...I guess I do.” Robert said, pretty much repeating his earlier statement. “I suppose if anything, I feel regret.”

“Regret?” Joseph asked, raising his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Joseph, I am not nearly drunk enough to talk about this now,” Robert said, glancing at his pretty much empty glass. “And seeing how Neil won’t give us any more I don’t think I’ll be drunk enough with _you_  around to talk about it.”

“I suppose that’s fair,” Joseph chuckled. He stared at his glass for a second, before letting out a sigh.

“... This might sound weird, but I... I miss Mary.”

Now it was Robert’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “The hell you’re talking about? Mary ain’t dead.”

“I know that.” Joseph said. “I mean... I miss what she was like. What we used to have. I miss the Mary I fell in love with. I miss that kind of excitement I used to feel when we were together. The kind of... wildness we both had.”

This conversation seemed awfully familiar.

“Why don’t you tell her?” Robert asked him. Joseph shook his head.

“We can’t go back to the past, no matter how much we want to. Even if we tried, it wouldn’t be the same. It’d feel like a watered down rerun of something that used to feel natural.” He sighed. His lip trembled slightly as he stared at his empty glass.

Fuck, please don’t cry. Robert would have no idea what the hell he’d do if a grown man would start crying next to him. But instead of crying, Joseph stood up, slamming on the table.

“Neil! You sure I can’t get another drink?” He said.

Neil shook his head. “Nope, you guys had enough.”

Joseph grunted. He glanced at Robert.“We could continue this elsewhere.” He turned around, wobbling a little as he walked towards the exit. He looked over his shoulder.

“You comin’ Robert? If we drink enough, we both can start talking about things we don’t wanna talk about.” He laughed a little.

It was probably the booze that made his mind feel hazy, but for some reason Robert thought that sounded like a great idea.

\----------------------------------

“Hey, that tattoo parlor is still open.”

Robert looked at the place Joseph had pointed at.

“Sure is.”

“I always wanted to get another tattoo,” Joseph said. “Hey, let’s get tattoos.”

Robert glanced at Joseph for a while. Both of them weren’t really balanced at the moment.

“Ya think they’d even consider it?” Somewhere far in his dazed mind he remembered there was something about tattoos and booze.

“Watch me,” Joseph said. He turned towards Robert and gave him a wink.

The men entered the tattoo parlor, meeting a rather burly man who was busy cleaning up his shop. He raised an eyebrow when he saw them both enter.

“You two are out pretty late,”

“Same could be said for you. How much for tattooing both of us?”

The tattoo artist raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, but I’m about to close shop.” He frowned a little, staring at Joseph.

“Wait... You seem familiar somehow.”

“Oh?” Joseph blinked in genuine confusion. “Uh... perhaps from the church?”

“The chu- Oh, you’re youth minister Christiansen, aren’t ya? My kid, Emma, she goes to your meetings sometimes”

Joseph gave a smile. “Emma Wilder, I assume? She’s a very sweet kid. Does her name right.”

The man smiled, “Yeah, that’s her. She can be a wild one sometimes, heh. Takes after her old man...” He scratched the back of his head. “Why does a youth minister want a tattoo?” he asked.

“Ah, the bible isn’t against decorating one’s body. It simply asks one to be modest and make good decisions based of your wants and needs. I’ve been... considering getting a permanent decoration for a while now and thought this was the right time.”

It was clear the tattoo artist had his doubts. “I dunno man...” He continued scratching the back of his head. He then frowned. “Hold up a sec...”

He got closer to Joseph and Robert, sniffing. His frown increased. “No. Fuck that. You guys reek of alcohol.”

“What? Oh, yeah, we drank some wine to honor our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,” Joseph said in reply, shooting the man a charming smile.

The man shook his head. “Out. I am not getting my licence revoked, no matter who you think you might be. You ain’t as angelic as you pretend to be.”

And so, a mere minutes later after they entered the tattoo parlor to get some tattoos, both men got kicked out, Robert laughing all the way.

“Ah, he saw right through me,” Joseph said, with an awkward smile.

“It was worth a try and you nearly got there,” Robert snickered. “Man, I was starting to get into the idea of getting a tattoo. Too bad you couldn’t fulfill your rebellious dream of getting a tattoo.”

“I already have one though,” Joseph said, lifting his sleeve, showing an anchor on his bicep.

Robert stared at it for quite a while.

“That guy was right, you really aren’t as saintly as you seem.”

Joseph grinned, lowering his sleeve again. “I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment...”

“Me neither.”

The two men had another laugh together. Joseph looked up at Robert.

“Hey, if you still want a tattoo, we can do it ourselves, right? I always wanted to tattoo someone.”

That sounded like an even worse idea than getting tattoos in general.

Robert loved it.

\----------------------------------

“So what do we need?”

Joseph, surprisingly handy with his cellphone had found a video where they gave instructions on doing a stick and poke tattoo. “Uh, you got rubbing alcohol?”

“I got a bottle of vodka that’s like 70% alcohol.”

“Yeah, that’s probably fine if we rinse it with some water afterwards.”

The two men proceeded to collect all the materials needed for their diy tattoo. Joseph sneaked back to his own home to get some stuff they couldn’t find in Robert’s house, like a needle, thread and -

“...Love spell?” Robert raised an eyebrow.

“It’s a lotion. We need a lotion for aftercare,” Joseph said as he put the other things they needed on the table.

He looked at the package. “Cherry blossom and peach... Can’t believe you let Mary buy that.”

“Well, I didn’t. It’s mine actually,” Joseph said. “But it’s pretty nice, take a whiff.” Robert frowned, but followed Joseph’s suggestion. It wasn’t too sweet smelling. Kind of nice.

“It’s also great for massages, if you’re interested in that,” Joseph gave Robert a cheeky smile.

“Maybe some other time,” Robert said, smirking in return. “I’ll contact you if I ever plan on doing something romantic.”

“Hey, what could be more romantic than one guy tattooing someone else with their homemade tattoo kit?”

“I guess that’s fairly romantic,” Robert admitted. For a second he caught Joseph’s seablue eyes and felt dizzy. He looked away. Must’ve been the whiskey.

“I think we’ve got everything ready.” Joseph said, looking at the stuff they got together. He strung the string around the needle and dipped it in the ink. Holding the homemade tattoo pen in his hand, he looked at Robert.  
  


“So... where do you want it?”

Oh. Right. Robert hadn’t even thought about that.

“Uh... My hand? Maybe?” He said. He thought that was kind of a cool place to place a tattoo. “Make it a skull or something.”

“I got something better,” Joseph said, as he took Robert’s hand, hovering the pen above it. “Trust me.”

Robert grimaced. “Please don’t draw a dick on my hand.”

Joseph laughed. “I would never,” he answered. “I promise it’ll look really nice.” And so he proceeded to stick the needle into Robert’s skin.

Robert gritted his teeth. Jesus, this was more painful than he expected it to be. It didn’t help it was straight on his hand, which apparently was a pretty sensitive place to get tattoos. He clenched his other fist, hoping it would distract from the pain. He hissed through his teeth.

Joseph was focused, gently holding Robert’s hand as he started drawing a circle on the top of his hand, rather close to Robert’s thumb. He took deep, slow breaths through his nose. There was a spark in his eyes that Robert had never seen before. It seemed like Joseph was enjoying this. Robert wasn’t sure if that freaked him out, or made him feel strangely comfortable.

“Shit, one second,” Robert said. Joseph let go of Robert’s hand, who shook it as if he wanted to shake out the pain. He glanced at the work Joseph had done so far. The lines of the circle were fairly thick. Thicker than most stick and poke tattoos he had seen. But it looked okay. Better than a dick anyway.

“Happy so far?”

“Yeah. Still no idea what it’s gonna be.”

“You’ll see,” Joseph said again, taking Robert’s hand to finish his work.

It took another 45 minutes of increasing anguish until Joseph was done. The result was somewhat reminiscent of a compass from which the south and west directions were missing. A circle with six, somewhat wave-y lines and a dot in the center of it. Robert raised an eyebrow.

“The hell is this?”

“Ah, it’s just a doodle I used to draw when I was younger. It’s kind of cult-ish looking. Figured you’d like that sort of thing. You can make up a story about it, maybe you got it when... I don’t know, it was forced upon you by a demonic cult-leader who’d mark you as his own.”

Robert squinted his eyes. “That’s awfully specific. You’re not a cult leader, are you?”

Joseph laughed. “And Damien really is a vampire. Give me a break, Robert.” He extended his hands again. “Let me help you with the aftercare.”

Robert obeyed and again Joseph held Robert’s hand in the most gentle way. He proceeded to patch the tattoo up, just like he read on the interwebs.

“Now, hopefully we’ll remember everything we did tonight. If not, we’ll probably will have to look it up tomorrow again. Don’t forget about that.”

“Yeah, sure.” Robert said. He stared at the bandaid on his hand. It still kinda hurt when he moved it. He looked up at Joseph again. “Thanks. Want a drink?”

\----------------------------------

The clear, sprinkling sound of a glass being filled with liquid filled the room. After Joseph’s glass was filled, Robert proceeded to fill his own glass. The two men, both sitting on Robert’s couch, clinked their glasses together and drank some of the stuff.

“Ah,” Robert said with a sigh. “No matter how much I like Neil, there’s nothing better than having a drink at home.” Joseph hummed something in reply.

Robert continued. “You know, the first glass of alcohol I ever had came from my dad. Homebrewed whiskey. Stole it from him when he wasn’t looking. Don’t think he ever noticed. Maybe he didn’t even care.” He eyed Joseph. “Wanna know what he called it?”

“Mh?” Joseph was taking another sip.

“Panther-piss.”

Joseph nearly choked on his drink, coughing and laughing at the same time. Robert giggled along with him. It took a while before the coughing and hacking calmed down.

“P-Panter-piss...!” Joseph said, still gasping for air. “Oh wow--”

“Best part is, first time I tried it, I honestly thought he pranked me. Thought he really had bottled panter piss.” Robert snorted. “Shit, I had no idea whiskey was _supposed_  to taste like that!”

Joseph thought he was going to die from lack of air. In all honesty, if he had a clear mind he probably wouldn’t find it as wildly hilarious as he did now. He hiccupped a little.

“God dam-” he started, before catching himself. He looked shocked. Robert had an equally shocked expression on his face, but bursted out in laughter mere seconds later.

“Holy shit, I almost made the youth minister take the lord’s name in vain.”

“Jesus, Robert, you’re truly a horrible influence on me,” Joseph laughed together with Robert, but still seemed a little flustered.

“Aren’t you gonna have to offer penance of some sort? Are you even allowed to be  a youth minister still?”

“I am sure the Lord will forgive me for a minor slip up,” Joseph said.

Robert snickered. “I got you drunk tonight, made you tattoo untouched skin... All these minor slip ups do tend to pile up together. And who knows how far we’ll go? It’s quickly becoming one of my hobbies to corrupt you.”

“Ah, who knows indeed,” Joseph took another sip. “You did made me get in touch with my wild side again.”

“You know Joseph, that’s such bullshit,” Robert suddenly said. “I don’t believe for a second you ever lost your wild side.”

Joseph stopped halfway his sip. He lowered his glass, still looking at the other man.

“What makes you say that?”

“...I dunno,” Robert said. “All of your actions tonight have been pretty telling. Kinda felt like all of that was locked up inside. It’s kinda like...”

Joseph had his glass pressed against his lip, staring at Robert and whatever he wanted to say.

“...Something waiting to be released. I mean, you’re content with your life. That much is obvious. But it’s also clear you want something else. Maybe... I dunno. One last adventure or something. Before it’s definitely impossible for you to go back to the old days.” Boy Robert sure was wasted. There was no way he would’ve spouted this bullshit if he wasn’t. He suddenly felt a little embarrassed and drank half his glass.

Joseph had averted his eyes. “...You... I don’t think you’re wrong.” He said. “I can’t deny there’s definitely something like that. Life just feels so... stagnant at the moment.” He sighed.

“If you had told me 15 years ago, when I was standing in the middle of the desert, completely scared out of my life, that in fifteen years I was married, working as a youth minister and was expecting my fourth kid, I can assure you I would have laughed my ass off.”

Neither of the two men knew what to say for a while. Joseph broke the silence by giving a short snicker.

“Know my biggest regret, Robert?”

“What?”

“I didn’t sleep around enough. Would’ve loved it to try it with a guy again.”

The fact those words came out of the same mouth of a man who got flustered for almost cursing made Robert’s mouth drop. Joseph didn’t notice.

“And now I’m at the point where not only am I a father and have kids, I’m not nearly as good looking as I used to be.” He snorted. “I used to be quite the looker.”

“...Well, I dunno about that,” Robert said, his words coming out before he could stop himself. “I mean- ” he continued, seeing Joseph’s kind of offended expression “-The not being hot anymore. You’re _still_ quite the looker, Joseph.” Robert had always thought so, from the very moment they met. Hell, he vaguely remembered feeling a pang of jealousy when he’d seen Joseph and Mary together.

Joseph meanwhile looked quite flattered at Robert. He opened his mouth, trying to say something. He closed it again. He opened it again.

“Hey, between you and me Robert... You wanna know the first thing I thought when I met you?”

“Uh... Sure?”

“I thought, ‘Man, if only I wasn’t married. I’d love to fuck the brains out of that guy’.”

Those words caused something to rise inside of Robert. He swallowed hard.

“And to be honest, I have my suspicions you wouldn’t mind that at all...” Joseph said, sliding a finger along the rim of his glass. His eyes were half lidded, maybe heavy because of the amount of booze Joseph had consumed. Either way, it made Robert’s heart skip a beat.

“... You did say you wanted to corrupt me.”

\----------------------------------

The light that glimpsed in from the slightly opened curtains shone straight into Robert’s face. He grunted, barely opening his eyes before closing them again, squeezing them shut

Jesus fucking _damnit_ that was bright.

Holy fuckin shit, his head was throbbing painfully.

Robert tried to turn around, realizing his arms were raised up. He tried pulling them, finding they were stuck to something

He forced his eyes open, trying to see what was holding him back from getting up. The light and his head made it difficult for him to focus, but he finally realized what had happened.

Someone had tied him to the bed.

He wriggled his hands, causing him to notice one of his hands hurting and burning like hell, followed by the soreness running through his body. He managed to get through the pain in his head and body and got himself out of his miserable situation. He sat up, rubbing his wrists. It was only then when he realized he wasn’t alone in the bed.

Joseph was laying next to him, eyes closed, hair messed up and with quite some markings on his neck that seemed to be too fresh for Robert’s comfort.

Through the throbbing of his head Robert started remembering scènes from the night before. The kissing, foreplay, him attacking Joseph’s neck and making the hickey’s he still saw on Joseph’s neck, caressing, warmth, Joseph pushing him against the wall, _god_ , he could still feel his fingers entering him. The fact his ass still felt rather sore told him that wasn’t the only thing that had penetrated him.

He vaguely remembered trying to find some way to grab the the wall as Joseph ravished him. After they both were satisfied, they had moved themselves towards his bedroom, where their lips had met again, Joseph had tied him onto the bed and then lowered himself onto him, the moonlight peeking into his room, caressing Joseph’s body. Joseph had looked at him, cocking a smile, licking his upper lip. That image was burned into his memory.

And now that same man was laying next to him, sleeping, the sunlight now stroking his golden hair. He was almost angelic looking. The looks and personality were really clashing. This man was no angel, but then again, neither was Robert.

Robert groaned, reaching to his head as he placed his hands on his face. His hands moved into his hair, grabbing it. His head hurt twice as much by the realization of what exactly had happened.

Joseph, no matter how attractive and amazing he had been the night before, was still a married man. For fuck’s sake, he was about to be a dad for the fourth time. Of course, this wasn’t news to him. The knowledge of this fact had been there the entire evening, buzzing somewhere on the background. Maybe Robert was too drunk to acknowledge it, or maybe he simply wasn’t willing to accept it at that moment. No matter what it had been, Robert had to face the consequences of his actions. He laid himself back onto the bed.

“You really sank a new low, Rob,” he mumbled to himself. “Sleeping with a married man? The fuck were you thinking...” He stared at the ceiling for he had no idea how long. Could have been a minute, could have been half a day. But finally, he slowly pulled himself from the bed, rubbing his face. He glanced at the alarm clock next to his bed.

11:38.

Nothing better to fight a hangover than a sad wank in the shower, followed by a liquid lunch.

An hour later, Robert dressed and back in his room. With a bottle in one hand and a cigarette between his lips, Robert stood next to his bed. His head was still pounding painfully, but not as bad as the throbbing feeling on his hand. There were some scabs surrounding the tattoo Joseph had made. It itched and was painful.

Robert stared down at the blonde. He took a swig of his bottle. Joseph’s presence in his bed made him feel more agitated by the second. He kicked Joseph’s leg, not too hard, but hard enough for him to wake up

“Mh...--” Joseph stirred and opened his eyes, squinted them, groaned and turned around, back facing Robert. Robert groaned.  
  


“Wake up, Goldielocks.”

Another groan came from Joseph’s form. He sat up, holding his head.  
  


“Christ... My head,” Joseph said.

“It’s time for you to go, Joseph. Get rid of your hangover at home,” Robert said.

Joseph frowned, looking up at him. He realized Robert was serious, sighed, got out of bed and stretched himself.

“I think my clothes are scattered around the house though...” Joseph started. Robert pointed at a pile of clothes on the bed.

“Already fetched them for you.”

Joseph gave a chuckle. “Fine, I’ll get up then.” He took the stuff Robert had fetched for him and clothed himself. Robert didn’t take his eyes off of him, taking a swig from his bottle. A few minutes later, Joseph stood in front of Robert’s door.

“I must say, this was a very nice distraction from my usual life,” he fixed his collar, giving Robert a small smile. “It would be nice to get distracted again, sometime in the future.”

Robert frowned. He threw the butt of his cigarette on the ground and stomped on it, adding another hole in the carpeting.

“Go home to your wife and kids, Joseph.”

Joseph’s smile was unfading, but his eyes betrayed him. He was disappointed. He placed his hand on the door handle.

“I hope to see you at the barbeque next week, Robert.”

\----------------------------------

A month after Crish was born, Mary stepped into Jim and Kim’s like she had never gotten pregnant at all. Hell, you couldn’t even tell by looking at her she’d been carrying a seven pound kid around in her stomach. There was only one way anyone would know something had changed. She had always been a little low-key in her flirting, but after her return had gotten more aggressive in her pursuits.

Neil blamed it on her just giving birth (“She’s probably compensating a little, wants to feel attractive after the whole baby thing”). Robert thought it might have been something else.

Mary had been sitting at the bar, chatting up a guy who looked as if he was about to run away from her, when someone placed a hand on the bar, right next to Mary’s elbow. Mary turned her head.

“Robert.”

“Hey,” Robert said. He had wanted to check up on her to see if she knew. Seeing as her body language had changed from flirty to “make a wrong move and I’ll hit this glass on your head,” it was safe to say she knew.

Fuck.

Now what?

He tried to smile at her, but had the feeling it only looked awkward and disingenuous.

“I uh... I got something for you.”

Mary’s expression didn’t change.

Robert raised his hand, showing he had placed a package of cigarettes on the table. “Your cigare-”

“Shove those cigarettes up your ass Robert,” Mary said, grabbing her glass of wine and downing it in one go, hand tense. “Wouldn’t be the first thing of mine you crammed in there.”

There was a moment of silence. It was the first time Robert hated a silent bar moment. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, he made a stupid ass mistake when he was drunk, wanted to tell her that there was no excuse for what happened and he regretted it.  _Immensely_ regretted it.

But he couldn’t. He let out a grunt and turned towards the bar. He called Neil.

“Whiskey. Make it a double.” He said. A few minutes later, he ordered another one.

Mary hadn’t gotten up yet, mostly because the bar had been busy and there weren’t any other seats in the house. She side-eyed Robert.

“All that drinking is what got you into trouble,” she started.

Robert snorted. “You’re one to criticize me for my drinking.”

“That’s not what I’m criticising you for. I’m criticising you for fucking my husband when drunk.”

“I wasn’t the only one drunk that night,” Robert said, growling.

Mary apparently did not know how to respond to that. She called Neil over for another drink, who poured the wine in her empty glass. But once it was filled and Neil had left, she just stared at it.

Her lip trembled. Her brows were furrowed She gritted her teeth and placed her head in her hands, hiding her face. Robert could only see her grimace.

“...Everything is so fucked...” She finally said. “I’ve... been trying to blame it on you, but...” She sighed, moving her hands in her hair. Robert saw her eyes were red. Tears were streaming past her cheeks.

“Joseph is as much to blame as you are. And if this was the first time he did something like this...”

“What?” Robert’s eyes widened.

“It’s been a long time since the last time... The twins weren’t even born yet, I just thought... He wasn’t...” Her voice trembled. “I should have fucking left him back then. Now we have four kids and we have no choice but to stick together...”

“Mary, I...” Robert started. He looked at her, broken down, hurt. He sighed deeply.

“...I’m... really sorry. I’m so sorry this happened.” He reached a hand towards her, hesitated for half a second, but then placed a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t push him away.

“There’s no excuse. I’m just... I’m just fucked up too. And Joseph... I just hope he regrets it too.”

“He doesn’t,” Mary answered. Robert swallowed something away. “Fuck...”

“...I appreciate your apology,” she mumbled, surprising Robert. “That doesn’t mean I accept it. Not yet at least.”

Robert sighed, slightly relieved. “I get that.” It was as good of an apology he could get for now. “Look, I’m an idiot, but if there’s anything I can do for you to get on your good side again, just tell me.”

Mary seemed to think for a second. Then she snickered. She faced Robert, her eyes still wet, but there was a small smirk crossing her lips.

“To start, how about you buy me a drink, sailor?”


End file.
